Stemme | Voices | Amazwi is LitNet’s series of 15 short, powerful monologues, written by established and upcoming playwrights, presented in collaboration with Suidoosterfees, NATi and ATKV.
In Jerry Mofokeng wa Makhetha’s Matlakala, a young woman tells about her continuous struggle with voices in her head. Tshegofatso Mabutla performs the monologue, directed by Mahlatsi Mokgonyana. Watch the performance with English subtitles here:
In this video, Tshegofatso Mabutla and director Mahlatsi Mokgonyana discuss their approach to the performance.
The original monologue in Sesotho:
Matlakala
Lebitso la ka ke Matlakala. Ke tsoa Verkeerdevlei, hona mona Foreistata. Verkeerdevlei ke torotsoana e nnyane haholo, moo bohle ba tsebanang ebile ba tsebelanang.
Ke tsoa lapeng le lerato, le nang le tlhokomelo. Empa haesale ke sena botsitso maikutlong a ka. Ke ne ke na le kgalefo ena eo nkekeng ka e hlalosa. Ke ikutlwa eka kea hlanya! Maikutlo ana a nyoloha, ke ferekana, ebe eka nka hlatsa, ke utlwe eka ha ke kgone le ho hema. Ntloheleng nna. Tsamayang.
Batsoali ba ka ba ne ba batla hore ke fole. Ka tsatsi le leng tichere ya ka ya Kereiti 8, Mofumahatsana Clarkson, o ile a bitsa batsoadi ba ka mme a etsa tlhahiso ya hore ba nthomelle ho ya hlahlojwa kelello le maikutlo. Setsebi se ile sa hlalosa hore ke na le Bipolar. Lefu lena la Bipolar le bolela hore maikutlo a ka a dula a nyolosa a ya hodiiiiiimo kwana, ha a qeta ebe a theosa ka tsela e sehloho.
Lemong tsena tsa ka mona yunevesithi … ke nahana hore ke ne ke tsitsitse. Ho ne ho sena mathata, ho se bohlanya. Nthwane ya di-roller coaster niks, leletho. Tjhe – Ho fihlela haufinyane tjena – hona lemong sena ke qadile …
Nna ke kgathetse hle moth’wa Modimo.
Hana ne ntse ke reng? Yunivesithi ke tulo e fapaneng le kwana hae. Nna ke ile ka ipolella hore ha ke sa hloka meriana hohang le ha batsoali ba ka ba ile ba mpolella hore ke be hlokolosi, ke nke meriana yaka. “O itlhokomele Mosadi. O se ke oa nwa kapa wa ja letho le phoso kapa le kgahlanong le meriana ena ya hao.” Eish, Batswadi? ... Nna ha ke hlanye nna! Ha ke battle batho ba nahane hore ke mental case.
Lemo tsena kaofela ha tsona ke ne ke iphelela hantle sa pere ya Motlotlehi. O kil’a e bona ha e terepela? Le nna ke ne ke batla ho ba feela jwalo ka batho ba bang ba phetseng hantle. Ke ne ke batla ho ikutlwa ke le motho – eseng lehlanya.
Ke ile ka khaotsa ho noa meriana yaka eaba … hanyaanenyana feela ke qala ho thella. Botjha ka nako e nngwe – atjhe! Hanyane-hanyane matshwao a hore ke se ke qalelletse ho ferekana a ne bonahala, empa ka ipolella hore ke nthonyana tse nyane, tse tla feta. Athe …
Ke’ng jwale? Ho na le lentsoe lena le ka hloohong ea ka. Ha a rate ha ke buwa ka yena. O ipatla a dutse ka bolokolohi ka mona ka hloohong ena yaka. Utlwa na o reng, “Ha rea lokela ho thinya ketsong tsa rona. Bona! Bona! O seke wa thinya ka mothating wane. Ka mane ka kgutlong sane ho lefifi la bonkantjane. Ema! Ema mona moo o leng teng. Ke mathata feela ka mane ka kgotjheletsaneng.”
Ke enwa! Wa mmona? O qadile hape wa ntshebela. Kea tseba hore ke entse phoso ka ho tlohela meriana ya ka; empa nna ha ke lekgoba la hao. Nurse! Nthuseng hle. Ha ke kgutlele hae kwana ke kopakopane tjena. Nna ke batla ho ya ngola di-exam tsa ka. Ke batlang moo?
Mme! Mme! Ke nna Moradi wa hao … Matlakala Mme … Letsetsa Mofumahatsana Clarkson tu … Ha ho na taba hore ha a sa ruta, nna ke morutwana wa hae. Mmolelle hore ke …
An English translation of the monologue:
Matlakala
My name is Matlakala. I’m from Verkeerdevlei, here in the Free State. Verkeerdevlei is a very small town, where everybody knows everybody, and everyone knows about each other’s affairs.
I come from a family that is full of love and care. But I have never had peace of mind. I have had this inner rage that I cannot explain. I would feel like I was going crazy. My emotions would rise high, in great confusion – feeling like I’d throw up, feeling as if my breath were choking. Leave me alone, people. Just go away.
My parents wanted me to heal. One day, my grade eight teacher, Mrs Clarkson, called my parents, suggesting to them that they send me for a mental status examination. A psychiatrist said I had bipolar disorder. With this bipolar disease, my feelings keep escalating to a very high sensation and then drop down drastically.
During all these years here at varsity, I thought I was stable. I had no problems, no insanity. No roller coaster problems, nothing at all. No – until recently – it started this year.
I am now tired …
What was I saying? Life at varsity differs from the one back home. I told myself that I no longer needed medication at all, even though my parents had warned me to be careful and adhere to my medication routine. “Be cautious, woman. Don’t eat or drink anything wrong that’s against your regular medication.” Eish, parents? I am not crazy, me! I don’t want people to take me for a mental case.
All these years, I was living so well, like a king’s horse. Have you seen it canter? I also wanted to be like all other people who are healthy. I wanted to feel like a normal human – not a lunatic.
I stopped taking my regular medication, and gradually began to slide. Consequences of being young sometimes – ouch! Bit by bit, the signs that I was beginning to lose it were slowly showing, but I told myself that they were just minor things that would just pass.
There is this voice in my head. “We don’t have to turn back against our cause. Look! Look! Don’t take a turn at that corner; there is so much deep darkness in that gorge. Stop! Stop right here where you are. There is so much trouble in that dark chasm ahead.”
Here she is! Do you see her? Get out! Go away! Leave me alone!!! I know I made a big mistake by stopping my medication, but I am not your slave. Nurse! I need help, please. I cannot go back home in this jumbled state. I want to go and write my exams. What am I doing here?
Mom! Mom! It’s me, your daughter, Matlakala. Please call Mrs Clarkson – please. It doesn’t matter even if she is no longer teaching; I am still her student. Tell her that.
Stemme | Voices | Amazwi is supported by the National Arts Council.
Stemme | Voices | Amazwi is a New Writing project of LitNet and is supported by the LW Hiemstra Trust.
All the monologues are available here: